A Different Side of Me
by TheQueenOfGleeks
Summary: Blaine Anderson has struggled with Disorganized Schizophrenia since he was a kid. After Sadie Hawkins, he spiraled out of control, but the Warblers helped him come back. Now, 2 1/2 years later at McKinley, right before graduation, Blaine relapses. What happens next? TW: EDNOS (Sam), Schizophrenia, self-harming, suicide attempt, hospitalization.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: I was listening to Unwell by Matchbox Twenty on constant loop while writing this (inspired the title)**

**Warnings: Schizophrenic Episode, Auditory Hallucinations**

"Hey Mr. Valedictorian," Artie greeted with a smile, rolling up behind his friend.

_He hate__s you for taking this from him._

With a shaky smile, Blaine replied, "Hey, Mr. Brooklyn-Film-Academy."

_Which he deserves, unlike you at NYADA._

"New York is the place to be," Artie flashed a smile.

_It isn't big enough for the both of you._

"Don't be a stranger."

_Don't worry, he will be._

"I'll see you at the ceremony," and with that, the salutatorian wheeled away.

_Then never again._

Blaine breathed out heavily, nerves running through his body.

He's stable. He'd been stable since Dalton, Kurt never found out and the New Directions shouldn't either. He took his meds, went to therapy, everything was _fine. _Sure, occasionally he slipped up, but it isn't extremely noticeable.

But this time it's only nerves.. isn't it?

Inhaling deeply, Blaine put one foot in front of the other and headed to the choir room.

_Where everyone hates you._

Blaine was greeted by Sam in the choir room with a silky red robe and grin stretching from ear to ear. His friends were so excited, so why wasn't he?

_Because you're only going to let them down._

_Disappointment._

_Failure._

_Useless._

_Pathetic._

_You ruin everything._

_You stole valedictorian._

_The solos._

_Everyone's perfect senior year went down the drain._

_Because of you._

* * *

Blaine could hear Sam talking to him, but nothing made sense. Gradually, his steady breathing turned into hyperventilating as he backed away from his friend.

"I'm sorry. I'm s-so sorry," were the frantic phrases he uttered.

"Dude, are you okay?" Sam's tone was calm, yet uneasy.

_Stop being so emotional, you ruin everything._

"I ruined i-it. It's, I- sorry. S-sorry. S-sorry S-S... Sam." Blaine was hysterical by this point, his words coming out slurred and stuttered.

"Blaine, you didn't ruin anything," The blonde smiled reassuringly. He didn't understand what was happening, but he could be sure his words weren't helping.

"I-I, I d-don't even- can't bre-heathe.. help-p.. W-Wes... I sorry... I didn't want- I can't I..."

By the time Blaine breathed Wesley's name, Blaine's bag was pulled apart by the larger boy, searching for his cell phone.

Typing in 5-8-7-8 (K-U-R-T), Sam unlocked Blaine's phone and scrolled helplessly through the contacts. "_The Kid with the Gavel" _was how the older boy's name had been written.

Under different circumstances, Sam would have appreciated the hilarity of it, but that name had only made the ex-warbler's phone number harder to find.

"So, Mr. Traitor, how's graduation going?" Wesley's chipper voice came through the device. Since Blaine transferred, he had become "Mr. Traitor" among the graduated Warblers.

"Wes? It's Sam, from McKinley. We were getting ready for graduation and Blaine starting freaking out and he's hyperventilating and rambling and I don't know what's going on and I'm scared because-"

"Sam, I'm gonna need you to breathe for a second, Blaine's gonna be _fine._" Wes was aware of what was going on. Blaine who was having a schizophrenic episode.

Sam inhaled and exhaled heavily before speaking again, "What do I do?"

"First, get him to look at you. Or something else. He needs to focus on something else besides the voices."

"Voices wh-?"

"No time for questions," Wes demanded. It had been over _two years_ since Blaine had a full-blown episode. The thought of a relapse worried him.

Sam breathed an 'okay', kneeling down in front of Blaine, "Dude, I'm gonna need you to look at me. Blaine, please. Just try looking me in the eyes."

Blaine lifted his head, still shaking and hyperventilating, but less so, looking with terror into his friend's eyes.

"Now, get him to breathe." the Asian boy instructed once again.

"B, breathe with me. In and out... In and out..." Sam followed instruction, still completely terrified.

The raven let out shaky breaths, horror wrenching his brain.

The voices were growing weaker, yet still prominent.

_He hates you._

_He's just doing this s__o you don't ruin today too._

"Reassure him. But don't tell him it isn't real, or that he shouldn't be afraid, because to him, it's as real as you and me."

Sam did as he was told, "Blaine, I'm here. It's okay, we have graduation. Keep breathing, c'mon. In... and out... in... and out."

"Can you have him call me when he's stable again? Chances are he just forgot his meds, or he's stressed with college-searches and New York. Just keep doing what you're doing. Thanks, Sam," and with that, Wes was gone.

_Thanks for what? _

For a few more minutes Sam repeated his actions, focused only on helping Blaine get back to normal. When the smaller boy finally came back to reality, he looked mortified.

"Oh-Oh my god.. Oh my god. Sam, I-"

"Blaine, it's fine. Just... uh.. What happened?"

Blaine bit his lower lip, unsure of what to say, it took him a second...

"I, um.. I have Disorganized Schizophrenia... and I just- I've been really stressed, and I forgot my meds and this is so awkward an-"

"Dude, breathe for a sec. It's okay... I wish you had told me, so I could have, like, helped. I mean, we're bros. I wouldn't have judged you or anything. You've seen me at my worst." he said, referring to his eating disorder.

"I know, it's just weird and hard and... I mean, I haven't even told _Kurt_ know..."

"Wait. You're _marrying _Kurt and you didn't tell him that you're schizophrenic? Isn't that, like, _important_?" Sam raised an eyebrow.

"I've been stable for two years," Blaine gritted through his teeth.

"Which is _great,_ but don't you think he'd notice the medication? Or, I don't know, like therapy or something?"

"He knows I'm on meds, he just thinks they're _anti-depressants_," Blaine replied, still seemingly irritated.

"So you're _lying_ to him too?"

"Look, Sam, thank you for helping me out there, I don't even know how you managed that, but I need you to just butt out and trust me."

"I do trust you, I'm just being.. I don't know.."

"Paranoid?" Blaine supplied.

"I wouldn't call it paranoid, but I guess that works," Sam mumbled.

"But, uh, how did you know what to do?"

"You mumbled something about Wes when you were rambling so I called him and-"

"And he knew exactly what to do because I've had more meltdowns in front of him than I can count." Blaine finished. And he had, Wes always knew what to do because Dalton was where he finally started to recover. Recovery has lots of bumps along the way.

Sam fell silent and Blaine coughed awkwardly, "So, um, 25 minutes to graduation..."

"Really?!" Sam exclaimed, looking up towards the clock, "Crap. Dude, we gotta go."

Blaine allowed himself to be dragged by his friend out of the classroom, hoping Sam wouldn't think about the schizophrenia for a while. But Blaine could still hear the voice...

_You ruined it. You're going to make your best friend late because you ruin everything._

**Author's Note: I AM A HORRIBLE PERSON! I promised this to an anon weeks ago, and I'm just posting it now! I'm so sorry! I'll be updating Monday, Wednesday, Friday, NO EXCEPTIONS. You can hold me to that. So Sorry! (also anyone looking for a beta or want to beta me? We can switch off!)**

**~SJ**


	2. Chapter 2

**_3 DAYS LATER_**

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

The sound of the heart monitor was excruciatingly obnoxious, but it meant Blaine was alive, so they chose to deal with it.

A pale, thin man sat at Blaine's right with tear-stained cheeks and an expression that displayed his lack of emotion. He gripped the hospitalized boy's hand loosely, staring at the brown cuffs that laced his wrists.

Another man sat to Blaine's left, a year younger than the countertenor, with long blonde hair that looked as if he had run his fingers through it a thousand times.

The oldest boy leaned helplessly against the wall of the hospital sterile stench of the room nauseating him entirely. He had been ordered to go home and shower quickly, but he left the building for no less than ten minutes. This all seemed far too familiar to him.

Except now Blaine had a fiance, Kurt, and a living best friend, Sam. Sam had taken a brief break as well, but Kurt had sat at his love's bedside for four days. Kurt hadn't slept or eaten more than a breadcrumb in four days. He couldn't. Physically, Blaine was perfectly fine, despite the stitches made on his arm when he was admitted.

His friends and family were worried about the raven's_ mental_ health. The doctors had kept him in a medically induced coma for the four days, his diagnosis remaining in question.

Several Warblers and New Directions had passed through, Wes sitting adjacent to Kurt for several hours, though neither spoke. Not speaking was the unspoken rule, no pun intended.

Dr. Aimee returned to the room periodically, informing the loved ones about Blaine's case – which seemed to never ever have any changes. Until now.

"His medication has been sent through his IV and bloodstream, and after this amount of time we feel we should be able to wake him. The medication keeping him under should wear off shortly."

Cooper cleared his throat and spoke, "What will happen when he wakes up?" "

"He may be extremely confused and agitated. As I remember you were here after his last break. This time will be similar. Be careful." Dr. Aimee smiled sadly, "I will return when he wakes."

With that, she turned on her heel and left the room.

Cooper sighed, Sam ran a frustrated hand through his hair, and Kurt continued to stare at his fiance with a blank expression.

The ex-quarterback looked over to him fearfully, "Kurt?" No response. "Kurt?" Sam tried again. He didn't even flinch.

Cooper looked over at the pair, worrisome as well, "Do you think he's in shock?"

"He hasn't spoken more than a word in three days..." Cooper shook his future brother-in-law's shoulder, "Kurt? C'mon..."

Kurt looked up to the older men with a horrified expression, keeling over when trying to stand.

_"Shit!"_

* * *

Kurt woke up in a bed of his own, with pale white walls, an IV, and a heart monitor attached to his chest.

"Nice one," Jeff smirked at his old friend. He and Kurt only talked occasionally since graduation, but a Niff/Klaine double-date was still in order.

Kurt stared at him, "What... What happened? Is Blaine okay?"

"Physically? Perfectly fine. Mentally? Well, that one sent you into shock."

"Shock? I didn't..." His eyes widened, remembering how it had happened.

"Shock, dehydration, & extreme fatigue. Seeing as Blaine has two brothers and half a show choir in his room, I told Sam I'd check on you. Another half an hour with that IV and you should be good to go."

"Two brothers?"

"Well, more like 12 brothers if you think about it. Cooper, Sam, Wes, Thad, Nick, Trent, David, Sebastian... even Hunter believe it or not."

"Oh."

"Blaine woke up a couple hours ago. He really has no idea what happened, we're not allowed to tell him. And technically all of the Warblers aren't in his room, but they are a damned anxious crowd sitting outside," he paused, "Coop wants him admitted for a couple weeks, at Dr. Aimee's persuasion. It's a lot worse than it was before."

"I didn't know how it was before," Kurt muttered bitterly, he just didn't understand.

"Yeah, I always thought you knew. I never asked because Blaine wasn't the biggest fan of talking about it." Jeff explained, sighing in mere exhaustion, "Man, he's a piece of work."

* * *

Sam had left the room to check on the Warblers who were going crazy in the waiting room. The minute he walked in the show choir bombarded him with questions.

"Is he okay?"

"What did he say?"

"What did the doctor say?"

"Is he hallucinating still?"

"How long will he be in the hospital."

"Okay! Stop!" the blonde flailed his hands to get his point across, "He's as okay as he can be, he was confused, I don't think he saw things while I was in the room, and... What was the other one?"

"What did the doctor say?" Nick provided.

"Cooper left the room to talk to the doctor about admitting him to the Psych Ward indefinitely, and I left the room when he came back."

"He's probably_ terrified_," Trent breathed.

* * *

Blaine stared at the padded cuffs wrapped around his wrists, he knew he'd had some sort of breakdown, he just wished he knew what he'd _done_. What he'd _said_. Who he'd _hurt_.

_You hurt everyone, ya dumb fuck. _

_Why do you think everyone looks so exhausted? _

_You caused this. _

_You hurt them. _

"Don't worry about it, squirt. Just try to let everything settle in." Cooper's voice was reassuring, but it didn't help very much.

_Settle in. _

_Settle in to this hospital._

_You'll probably be staying here a while._

"Why are the things around my wrists again?" Blaine asked in a tone that resembled a child, "Coop, what did I do?"

"Don't worry about it bud, just leave 'em. It'll be okay, I promise." Cooper prayed he could keep this promise.

"Am I staying in the hospital?" he asked with the same childish tone.

"Yeah, B. You need to get some help before this thing gets out of hand."

_This "thing" ain't goin' away, Blainers._ A heavy sigh escaped Blaine's lips as the thought of hospitalization ran through his mind._ Padded Rooms. Daily Therapy. Group Therapy. Other.. Crazy people._

Suddenly, with an unsure Sterling boy trailing behind, Kurt wheeled in to the room dragging along an IV pole.

Blaine screamed as the voice came to a realization: _You hurt him._

**Author's Note: OKAY YET AGAIN I NEED TO APOLOGIZE FOR BEING TERRIBLY LATE. I realized I planned my update days on the same time periods as my 6 hour track-to-theater rehearsal (with like a 10 min break between each, Yay me! :/ ) SO UPDATE DAYS ARE BEING CHANGED TO SUNDAY ONLY! SORRYYYY!**

**Also, thank you to each and every one of my fabulous reviewers! **

**Even the one that called me an "evil writer," I'm so sorry I hurt your babies!**


End file.
